If it isn't my retinas, it's my feet - why don't the anti drug ads tell you how much Meth can fuck with your life once you've stopped doing it?

"Save me from the nothing I've become ..."
Evanescence
Bring Me To Life

For some reason the above lyric seems very appropriate today. The medical issues are now such that I can't really get out like I'd like to - I'm becoming a hermit.

I guess another reason that lyric may be going through my brain is that I just found out that Dustin has started using and gambling again. I wish he'd break free of all the drama, but now that he's an informant that isn't likely to happen. I feel sorry for his family and wish there was something more I could do to help.

Silly, since I know no-one would have been able to get me to stop until I was ready to.

I couldn't sleep and was flipping through the channels - I landed on A&E's show Intervention, which I'd never seen before. In this particular episode, a young man had problems with Heroin.

When I landed on the channel, he was doing his hit and describing the thrill he got from hitting the vien and getting the blood return in the rig. As he injected the drugs, I got a warm rush - it's been almost 4 years since I used and I still have such an immediate physical reaction. The feelings scared me a little - not that I want to go out and use again, but that my body still remembers how good it felt.

After several tries I finally got my userpic loaded!

My BP is still crashing after dialysis, God, I wish they'd hurry up with the transplant.